[ He's actually very pleased with himself, pleased with the speech - which he thought went rather well - happy with life in general, floating on a drunken, kiss-happy haze of cheerfulness--but when he looks back to Ray there's that emotional whiplash, and a flicker of uncertainty finally gets through his glow. It's all downhill from there.
Ray looks unhappy. He looks like he's in pain, even, and Fraser works his mouth uncertainly, following the head gesture with his usual clipped obedience, his expression falling. That's Ray's 'come on to the men's room with me we have to discuss something' headjerk, he'd know it anywhere. He drops his chin toward his chest, already clearly chastised.
They wind their way back through the room. There's a relatively empty corner behind the wedding cake, which won't be cut for at least an hour yet; it's a simple affair, white and more white, tiered and frosted with a little Armani-clad bridegroom and bride on top (the bridegroom had a hat on, presumably to hide his balding head.) The music resumed as they slid away, picking up into something way too fast and cheerful, as though it could dispel the disquiet that Fraser had left in the wake of his speech, or the gloom that was slowly spreading through his chest.
He put his hands into his jacket pockets, looking more like a sulking child than a grown man for his efforts. It wasn't flattering. ]
I forgot the second half of my speech. [ It seemed to take a lot for him to admit it, and he slumped slightly more, looking sullenly at the cake rather than at Ray. ] I remember it now, of course, but I had to...to drive by the seat of my pants. [ Fly, Fraser. ] I thought it sounded okay.
[ But then, he thought, maybe Ray took exception to Fraser threatening his ex-wife. He'd always been very protective of Stella, after all, and maybe she warranted protecting from Fraser, too. He scuffed his heel anxiously, kept looking anywhere but at Ray. Oh look, flowers, people, cars parked beyond the windows, a lake.
I'm sorry if I embarrassed you; those were the words he was supposed to say. What he said instead was: ]
I realise you still love her, Ray. I know you always will. I still love Victoria. I suppose it was...petty of me. [ He sighed, and looked down at the patterned linoleum tiles like they were the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen in his life. I'm terrified that what they have with their gold rings and vows is more important to you than what we can have, his drunken mind provided. And his drunken mouth said: ] I--I'm jealous. Not of her and Ray, although perhaps that too, but of what the two of you had. I'm jealous and I'm angry, because how could anyone love you and not want to spend their life with you? And she could have given you that--the life you wanted, a family, children, a ring... And I--I can't.
[ Well, he got there eventually. ]
I want this so much, Ray. I want you. I know I could be happy, even, for the most part. But there would always be that something missing, for you, and... And it's wrong. I'm sorry. But that's why I said the things I did. I thought maybe I could... [ He shook his head abruptly, looked despairingly up at his partner. Lay down a claim on you. God, he was a cur. ] I'm sorry, Ray. I'm so sorry.
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Ray looks unhappy. He looks like he's in pain, even, and Fraser works his mouth uncertainly, following the head gesture with his usual clipped obedience, his expression falling. That's Ray's 'come on to the men's room with me we have to discuss something' headjerk, he'd know it anywhere. He drops his chin toward his chest, already clearly chastised.
They wind their way back through the room. There's a relatively empty corner behind the wedding cake, which won't be cut for at least an hour yet; it's a simple affair, white and more white, tiered and frosted with a little Armani-clad bridegroom and bride on top (the bridegroom had a hat on, presumably to hide his balding head.) The music resumed as they slid away, picking up into something way too fast and cheerful, as though it could dispel the disquiet that Fraser had left in the wake of his speech, or the gloom that was slowly spreading through his chest.
He put his hands into his jacket pockets, looking more like a sulking child than a grown man for his efforts. It wasn't flattering. ]
I forgot the second half of my speech. [ It seemed to take a lot for him to admit it, and he slumped slightly more, looking sullenly at the cake rather than at Ray. ] I remember it now, of course, but I had to...to drive by the seat of my pants. [ Fly, Fraser. ] I thought it sounded okay.
[ But then, he thought, maybe Ray took exception to Fraser threatening his ex-wife. He'd always been very protective of Stella, after all, and maybe she warranted protecting from Fraser, too. He scuffed his heel anxiously, kept looking anywhere but at Ray. Oh look, flowers, people, cars parked beyond the windows, a lake.
I'm sorry if I embarrassed you; those were the words he was supposed to say. What he said instead was: ]
I realise you still love her, Ray. I know you always will. I still love Victoria. I suppose it was...petty of me. [ He sighed, and looked down at the patterned linoleum tiles like they were the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen in his life. I'm terrified that what they have with their gold rings and vows is more important to you than what we can have, his drunken mind provided. And his drunken mouth said: ] I--I'm jealous. Not of her and Ray, although perhaps that too, but of what the two of you had. I'm jealous and I'm angry, because how could anyone love you and not want to spend their life with you? And she could have given you that--the life you wanted, a family, children, a ring... And I--I can't.
[ Well, he got there eventually. ]
I want this so much, Ray. I want you. I know I could be happy, even, for the most part. But there would always be that something missing, for you, and... And it's wrong. I'm sorry. But that's why I said the things I did. I thought maybe I could... [ He shook his head abruptly, looked despairingly up at his partner. Lay down a claim on you. God, he was a cur. ] I'm sorry, Ray. I'm so sorry.