[ The thing was that Fraser and Ray were in fact unusually adept at finding ways to get food when most places had shut for the night; it was like they had a supernatural sense, or at the very least the company of a hungry wolf who could track down twenty-four-hour diners and pizza places with preternatural wilderness skill.
They'd find food, and Fraser would even eat it. He'd matched up his diet with Ray Vecchio's years ago and it had stuck. Even Kowalski's weird insistence that he cover it with citrus fruit didn't so much as register as a blip. If anything, the idea of eating pizza that wasn't sugary sweet felt unusual to him now--that was just how much they'd both had to adapt to each other.
He was afraid Ray would change his mind. He was afraid he might want to and not say for fear of upsetting the apple cart that they'd so carefully propped up between them. Fraser was terrified that one of them would see sense and call the whole thing off, and as the moments stretched out he became even more certain it might be him; that he might take it all back so that Ray didn't inevitably have to, laugh it off awkwardly.
But Ray wasn't leading him out of the room, wasn't trying to escape being seen with him, even though Fraser had humiliated him several times over. Ray was dropping an arm across his shoulder and hovering in the crowd with him, and when he looked back up and saw just a hint of worry in his eyes - as game as Ray was trying to be - he found himself smiling. That was a feeling he recognized. Ray was giving him all he could, even though he found it all a little strange. It was like back on the ship, surrounded by sailors with no idea how he was supposed to behave, pressed in by their suspicion. Ray had been game then too; there had been something hard and steely concealing his concern, but also hope, and a certain kind of...sadness. Sad hope. Like he'd get over it if it all went wrong; if in the end they both took their transfers and left, he'd endure it somehow. God, he'd worn that look most of the way through that case.
And just like that his smile broke into a laugh, then a shake of his head - and oh look, a sailing ship covered in Mounties - how ridiculous was their life? ]
I'm fine, Ray. Really, really. [ Apart from the spontaneous chortling. He raised his hand to his face, rubbing across it, then shook it off abruptly, his eyes suddenly dancing bright. ] It's just I finally realised how ironic it was after all this time that I was the one running on instinct and you--you were being impossibly logical. Between the two of us we ought to be able to come to a compromise after all this time.
[ He turned under Ray's arm, but reached up and grabbed him by the elbow and the hand, leading him back. ]
We could dance, but it'd be too much like practicing in public. But you know what--I think I left the door open to the Vecchio suite. We really should...check on that. Don't you think? It's only polite.
no subject
They'd find food, and Fraser would even eat it. He'd matched up his diet with Ray Vecchio's years ago and it had stuck. Even Kowalski's weird insistence that he cover it with citrus fruit didn't so much as register as a blip. If anything, the idea of eating pizza that wasn't sugary sweet felt unusual to him now--that was just how much they'd both had to adapt to each other.
He was afraid Ray would change his mind. He was afraid he might want to and not say for fear of upsetting the apple cart that they'd so carefully propped up between them. Fraser was terrified that one of them would see sense and call the whole thing off, and as the moments stretched out he became even more certain it might be him; that he might take it all back so that Ray didn't inevitably have to, laugh it off awkwardly.
But Ray wasn't leading him out of the room, wasn't trying to escape being seen with him, even though Fraser had humiliated him several times over. Ray was dropping an arm across his shoulder and hovering in the crowd with him, and when he looked back up and saw just a hint of worry in his eyes - as game as Ray was trying to be - he found himself smiling. That was a feeling he recognized. Ray was giving him all he could, even though he found it all a little strange. It was like back on the ship, surrounded by sailors with no idea how he was supposed to behave, pressed in by their suspicion. Ray had been game then too; there had been something hard and steely concealing his concern, but also hope, and a certain kind of...sadness. Sad hope. Like he'd get over it if it all went wrong; if in the end they both took their transfers and left, he'd endure it somehow. God, he'd worn that look most of the way through that case.
And just like that his smile broke into a laugh, then a shake of his head - and oh look, a sailing ship covered in Mounties - how ridiculous was their life? ]
I'm fine, Ray. Really, really. [ Apart from the spontaneous chortling. He raised his hand to his face, rubbing across it, then shook it off abruptly, his eyes suddenly dancing bright. ] It's just I finally realised how ironic it was after all this time that I was the one running on instinct and you--you were being impossibly logical. Between the two of us we ought to be able to come to a compromise after all this time.
[ He turned under Ray's arm, but reached up and grabbed him by the elbow and the hand, leading him back. ]
We could dance, but it'd be too much like practicing in public. But you know what--I think I left the door open to the Vecchio suite. We really should...check on that. Don't you think? It's only polite.