thelockbox | Benton Fraser

[Oh God, not this. The moment Fraser dons that expression and that tone, Ray knows a guilt trip is coming. It's quite a talent of Fraser's, using his words to tug at the heart and pull at ones conscience and even though Ray knows exactly what the Mounties doing, he still can't deny it.

It's all truth, after all.

He's dropping his chin too, eyes shutting for a moment as he exhales loudly.]

Alright.

Yeah. Yeah, we'll do this. But only to get these assholes. [It's not like he likes Fraser or anything /tsuntsun.]

So uh. I dunno. I guess you keep quiet cause I don't think subs get to talk.

[ Unlike in other circumstances Fraser doesn't even realize he's doing it for any other reason than to lay out the truth. It's just that the truth so often sounds like guilt tripping. The result is the same either way; Ray seems to at last accept his proposal, but only after keeping Fraser on ice for a few seconds longer.

Okay. Okay, this is progress.

Which is why he tilts his head abruptly at Ray's suggestion. That isn't how it works, is it? Do submissives get to make suggestions for rules? That sounds counterproductive. He blinks, twice, then takes another step forward. There's still half the room between them, but the flight risk has passed, at least for the time being. ]

I don't think that's necessary, Ray. Besides, without your commentary I suspect we'd have some difficulty making progress at all.

[This is already awful. Ray regrets everything. At least he's keeping himself sane with the vague assumption that this doesn't have to go too far, right? Maybe a few conversations and descriptions, nothing more. That should be enough to satisfy Fraser's curiosity and have them comfortable enough to do the job, surely.

Ray has to pause after Fraser's words, very visually trying to think it over. Something didn't make sense at the end there. Without his commentary? There must be some misunderstanding here.]

Nah, Fraser. Subs, like uh, submissive. Sometimes they keep quiet, yeah? So I'd be talkin', doin' all the natter, but you'd be quiet. Like uh, your normal Mountie stuff anyway. Speak when spoken to, be polite. It's easy stuff.

[ And realization strikes. They're on different pages, and for once it's Fraser who's noticed it first. There's the briefest swallow and then the usual lengthy syllable as he stalls for time as to how to address things: ]

Ah.

[ The truth was he hadn't even considered the possibility. The other way around? There was a certain amount of it that made sense, for sure. Ray wouldn't have to keep quiet, Fraser would be the disciplined and obedient one, nothing could possibly go wrong.

But it wasn't the way it had played out in his head. Because, well... He was the alpha. Wasn't he?

Out with it, then. ]

I imagined you to be the one filling that role, Ray.

[ Maybe too blunt. ]

[For a second Fraser's just getting a blank stare while Ray processes that, and then there's sharp exhale that's bordering on a laugh, head lowered and shaking as though he can't quite believe it.]

No. That is not...

That's not how it works, Fraser.

[A slight shift of his weight, arms folding as he puzzles this one out alone, coming to the greatest conclusion know the man kind.]

Okay, uh. How about this? You do what I say or I pop you in the head.

[ Did Ray actually just laugh at the idea? Which part was funny? The dominating Canadian part, or the idea of him playing submissive to Benton's whims? ]

I'm not certain that's how it works either.

[ Popping him in the head as punishment didn't really seem to fit with any of the literature he'd read so far, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe it was one of the kinks Ray kept talking about, though if the idea was mutual pleasure it still seemed an extreme sort of way of going about it. ]

You--ah, you'd prefer to be the one in control.

[ It said something that he wasn't pressing the 'Is that because you're afraid of losing it?' line. He wanted Ray to make the decision. Whatever they decided on, he'd have to be comfortable playing the role around other people. Perhaps it wasn't a wise idea to push him so far out of his comfort zone. ]

[Well, Ray's already decided this is dumb.

Obviously Fraser has no clue what he's talking about with all of this. Especially not if he thought he could get away with leading. What a silly idea that would be. Surely he knows that Ray's always been the boss.]

I am the one in control. You know me, Fraser, I'm the man with plans, I get things done, I take charge, I grab balls-- uh, bulls by the horns. I lead, you follow.

[It occurs to him that after this is sorted, he still has absolutely no clue what to do or how far they're meant to be taking this. For a guy with plans, Ray's very clueless on the whole matter. He knows the concept behind this bdsm stuff, just not how to teach a Mountie.]

[ Well that was definitely an awkward Freudian slip, but in any event Fraser's brain is working overtime trying to establish what he wants to do with this new turn of events. He can certainly accept it. Ray wants control, feels he's entitled to it--well then, why not let him try? Experience was the fastest route to knowledge.

Fraser licked his lips, gave himself just a moment longer to follow where the plan would lead with this adjustment, holding Ray's gaze while he made his decision.

Okay. ]

You lead, I follow. [ One measured blink. ] And you'd like me to be quiet. I can do that.

[ And as if to prove it, not another word was spoken. ]

[There you go. And this is exactly why Ray's clearly the perfect choice. His powers of persuasion are second to none when it comes to idle threats and throwing his weight around uselessly.

He allows himself a moment of smugness, smirking to himself as he witnesses Fraser fall silent, but the smugness is short lived. As expected he's left uncertain about what they've actually agreed to here, or, for that matter, what he's actually meant to do.]

So uh. Now we'd do the thing. I dunno. I guess there's all these props and and the verbal stuff. I mean, so I've heard.

You uh, you done research or somethin' on it?

[He's shuffling just a little closer, more so out of uncertainty of quite what he's supposed to be doing still.]

I mean, I know how to do it but the uh. This practice. What are we uh... practisin'...?

[ This is where it all starts to fall down around Ray's ears. Fraser obeys; obeying is the name of the game, after all, and in this case it could potentially mean the difference between winning and losing, or life and death if their suspect were to get trigger happy. He needs to do this right.

So he's practicing. Practicing being quiet.

All the response that Ray gets is the slightest tilt of his head to one side, and his eyes dancing back and forth across the other man's face. Fraser even half smiles and ducks his head at one point. It's all very charming, yes, but helpful? Probably not. But at the same time he has a lot of faith in Ray being able to find the answers by himself. He usually does.

Even if it occasionally comes at all the wrong times. His eyes narrow just briefly toward the end. Come on, Ray, you can do it. ]

[Well, it may all be very adorable were it not entirely infuriating. Ray doesn't even know what Fraser's doing at first, wound up as he is by his partner totally ignoring the questions he throws his way, but then he get its, he catches onto the whole silence thing.

Ah, he said subs had to be quiet so Fraser's being quiet. He gets it. Except...]

Fraser! This isn't a game. C'mon, I gotta, uh, I need...

[What he needs is help, but he can't ask help from the one guy he's just lectured about how in charge he is. So Ray supposes he should grab some ~~balls~~ bulls and starting running. There is, however, a vast amount of awkwardness that follows as he closes the final bit of distance between them, arms still folded and shoulders hunched defensively. When he does move, it's only to shift one hand, reaching out oh-so-slowly to carefully brush against that odd scar on Fraser's shoulder and then withdrawing seconds later.]

Okay, I'm done. We done? Practice over.

Edited 2014-07-16 05:18 (UTC)

[ He stays dead quiet, obedient, and sees where it leads him, and while it takes Ray just a moment too long to get it he does eventually, rallying to his own flag. After that it's time to see whether Ray getting it leads to him actually fulfilling their respective roles. Burying his own apprehension - he's let so many strangers touch him while he's playing statue that a friend touching him is nothing - Fraser submits, letting Ray come closer, reading his partner's own nerves in the angle of his body and the uncertainty of his touch against the ragged scar on his clavicle.

And then at once Ray is pulling back like the contact burned him. Pulling back, but not pulling away.

A long pause, deliberate eye contact, and now it's Fraser's turn. Fortunately he's only been given one order. Nobody told him to stand still and do nothing - that's not his job here - and when Ray seems like he's ready to bolt after all, Fraser only fills the space with quiet confidence, raising his hand to Ray's jaw and closing the distance between them to brush the sweetest of lingering kisses against his mouth. At least for that Fraser's eyes close. He'd count to three before he withdrew. Three seemed like a good, fair number. ]

[Even after he pulls away Ray can still feel the warmth of Fraser on his fingertips, burning into him. It's not even remotely the first time they've come into contact with one another, but this just feels different. This isn't two cop partners doing their normal duties, this is locked in a room with a topless Mountie trying to work out the finer points of dominance.

Usually he'd be glad to shut Fraser up for even a few minutes, but this willing silence is somehow discomforting, as if all he needs right now is the verbal approval that he just can't get.

Ray's tempted to bail out, to step back and walk away, but just as he's considering turning tail he sees the shift of Fraser's hand. Before he has time to think on it there's lips on his, soft and somehow reassuring and yet thankfully brief, his eyes slip shut for those few lingering seconds but other than that Ray doesn't react. Isn't really sure how to react beyond blinking back at Fraser after it's over, lips slightly parted. There's a logical part of him (yes, logic) that tells him how very, very bad this all is, and yet the other half would just as happily fall back into that kiss and against the supporting hand.

When he does eventually think of a reply it's with a quiet, dry voice.] ... I don't know if I can, uh.

[He's not even sure what it is he can't do. A lot of things, really.]

[ The non-reaction is one of those warning signs Fraser's attuned to look out for. It's almost as if it's Ray's pre-breakdown sign. Getting anger out of him is one thing, making him think is wonderful, and shocking him is a frequent possibility--but speechless and staring and not even vibrating isn't right, as though if Ray actually did stop moving he might cease brain function entirely. In fact, that Ray hasn't made a break for the door is almost worse than if he had. At least an attempt at escape might have been justified in this circumstance.

Fraser's hand, meanwhile, hasn't fallen away from his partner's jaw. It stays there, warm and reassuring, while Fraser brings the other up to find Ray's. It's easy enough when Ray's holding it out from his body ever so slightly, as though in touching Fraser it had acted without his permission. Very slowly, as though adjusting a rifle sight without disturbing his prey, he guided Ray's hand to his flank, where just the tips of his fingers would brush against the scar tissue on his back. Getting Ray to touch him was half the battle; in truth, the illusion of intimacy would be impossible without it.

The hand at Ray's jaw rose half an inch, smoothing Ray's flyaway hair back behind his ear, and Fraser leaned in close, brushing a kiss where his fingers had been once before, and softly breaking the rules that had been laid out for him, with the justification that if they were still undercover rather than really doing this, bending the edges of the rules might be important. He couldn't very well stay put as ordered if they had a footchase on their hands.

And Ray needed his reassurance. The silence was unsettling him, now he had it. ]

I believe you can, Ray. Trust me.

[The stillness remains just long enough to be slightly concerning, his attention still locked entirely on Fraser, his mind still virtually incapable of processing what's happening or how to go about it. Fraser, on the other hand, doesn't appear (at least on the outside, Ray can never speak for the Mounties mental state) to be having any issues with any of this, smooth and confident and oddly knowing just how to handle the situation. Ray's left like a fish out of water that's not even bothered to squirm out it's final death wriggle. He's uncertain and totally perplexed by the idea that any of this should ever be normal behaviour. Partners can't do this. This sort of stuff makes partners into... partners.

As Ray finally tunes back into the real world, he notices his hand moving- not of it's own choice- to rest at Fraser's back, fingers curling against the curve of his spine. All Ray can think about, yet again, is the heat, the warmth that drains into his fingers as he rests them there. He barely even registers the lips against his face, but just like that and for perhaps no visual reason, Ray starts to shiver. All pent up energy, frustrations, uncertainty and every single other emotion just fighting to get out. But he's scared to use them, not when it's Fraser.]

Fraser... this is uh, this is... heh. I uh, don't think we should, uh... [This feels more than practice for a job. This is intimate. More than Ray's used to. And yet still he hasn't pulled away or resisted.] You uh. You take the wheel for a second. [It's possibly cowardice, maybe even selfishness that has him passing the buck for an undetermined amount of time, but Ray doesn't want to be held responsible for anything this might change. If their friendship screws up, Ray likes someone to blame that isn't himself. And Fraser's so easy to blame.]

[ Fraser knows he's going to be handed back control long before it happens. He'd suspected it would happen at the very moment Ray had first recoiled. At last, it seems, some of that movement comes back, enough that Fraser no longer thinks his partner is about to combust on the spot.

Ray just needs time to adjust, to decide how this is going to work, perhaps even to unjumble some of the feelings he was having about it--though the latter sometimes seemed to take time and potential heartbreak to accomplish. Where Fraser's emotions were - in general - neatly ordered and pigeonholed, Ray didn't have that benefit. Of course he also didn't know that Fraser had considered kissing him long before this point; had imagined that one of the times Ray snagged his arm and pulled him through the door into Welsh's broom cupboard second office it might have been for something other than to be overheard talking. It had, at least, occurred to him, and that gave him an uncanny advantage.

Not that Fraser hadn't carefully and adjustedly buttoned up any such thoughts years ago, without a second thought, and shelved them for the sake of professionalism.

Carefully Fraser ran his hand up along Ray's arm, then up to his shoulder. His other hand fell from Ray's cheek, swiftly but gently moving to settle featherlight at Ray's waist. Three points of a dance hold, and Ray with the last part to do. ]

Put your hand on my shoulder, and close your eyes. Tell me: Can you hear it, Ray? The music?

[ Because if he could only give Ray something familiar to focus on, he might be able to help him to find his center. ]

[Any concept of kissing before this point had never even crossed Ray's mind. Or if it had, he'd certainly buried it deep. Sure there'd been that time in the sinking ship that had caused a few alarming questions to spark in Ray's mind, but Fraser had brushed it off so casually as 'routine' that he'd pushed it no further. After that, Ray had done well in keeping any thoughts deeply closeted.

Perhaps that's part of the reason for the energy thrumming inside of him, something that's long been locked away that's finally getting it's time in the open air, although still resisted rather spectacularly by Ray.

When Fraser starts to move in a way that's familiar, Ray doesn't fight it. He lets his friend fall into what he recognises as a dance hold, and ever so slowly he responds. He keeps the hand at Fraser's back for convenience sake, fingers dusting against the vicious scar tissue, a little too low for anything deemed professional but this is just between friends. His other raises, hesitates mid-air and then makes the decision to do as instructed, resting a loose grip at Fraser's shoulder. It's all done in one movement, his eyes slipping shut as he does so and inhaling heavily. When he does exhale, it's with a slow, thoughtful hum, nodding carefully along to Fraser's words. He listens, he listens with everything he's got, focusing every point into the two of them, into the wind outside, the quiet ticking of a clock in the distance, of their breathing currently no quite in sync and their heartbeats the same. Ray can make anything into music, he can shuffle in silence when without a sound system.]

Yeah. Yeah, I got it. [And he's swaying just slightly against Fraser to his own little rhythm.]

Edited (you didn't see that typo) 2014-07-16 16:11 (UTC)

[ Fraser stays calm, his breathing steady, determined to make himself a calming influence for Ray one breath at a time. It's working; he can feel it working, and he shifts gently in rhythm with the other man. They blend into each other, partners into the fray, now dance partners. More, at least in appearance.

As Ray sways, Fraser eases in closer, lets his chest almost touch against Ray's, their arms crossed, his nose near the other man's ear. It's comfortable, safe, and Fraser benefits from it too, from the advantage that having a few moments to think gives him. His shoulders relax, his posture softens, and he raises his eyes toward the plaster ceiling. ]

Are you feeling any better?

[ Maybe he'd move on, and maybe he already knew, but he needed Ray to know that he felt better more than he needed to hear it himself. ]

[As their breathing steadies it starts to fall into sync, an unconscious little habit Ray has from dancing; better to fully merge with a dance partner and become one for the sake of rhythm. The slow shifts and sways keep him in his own little world, but he's distantly aware of Fraser, of how he starts to relax into the hold and of how Ray relaxes in turn.

This is something he knows in a whole sea of unfamiliarity and if he were more aware of what was going on, he might be more thankful for Fraser thinking of it. It was a good idea, but it's not really a surprise considering Fraser is often the source of good ideas.]

Mmhm. [He hums out his agreement, one more steady breath before his eyes cautiously open to stare at the plain closet in view.]

Better.

You?

[ Well that's Fraser through and through, a man of good ideas. Ray's gentle humming and the serenity that he seems to have fallen into is almost surreal; if Fraser had known he could induce a state of calm like this from dancing with him before he might have insisted upon it long before now.

He tilts his head very slightly down, looking at the closed, blank face of the door, then down toward Ray's neck. Almost unintentionally his head inclines slightly, his breath gusting against his partner's skin. It's not really that surprising; circumstances are favorable, they're too close for Fraser to avoid it, even if he wanted to. After all they'd already shared a kiss.

Well. He'd shared a kiss with Ray. Hardly the same thing. ]

Much. [ Perhaps as far as he'd go to voicing his own apprehension. ] Perhaps before we raise the jeopardy...we should concentrate on accomplishing...this.

[It's not exactly surprising that Stella spent much of her time dancing with Ray, considering it's one of the few things that can get him calm and focused enough to not be bouncing off the walls for once. And that's also exactly why Ray loves dancing so much, giving him at least one outlet where his mind isn't racing a hundred miles an hour and spouting useless information, thoughts bouncing around like a pinball.]

Concentrate on this? Like uh, the uh, the dancin' or...? [He gets the general idea, he'd just prefer not to think on in. Thinking is bad, so much so that he once again distracts himself by lifting his hand from Fraser's shoulder and grasping for the his partners hand down by his waist. Intertwining their fingers in a loose clasp, he raises both hands just slightly above and away from their shoulders in another typical stance, still swaying softly against and with the other body.]

We gotta do this properly if we're gonna do it.

[ It's something. It's the first thing Ray's done that wasn't an order or a gesture instructed physically by Fraser, and he accepts the fingers winding in his own, lets him raise them. He folds his own fingers in somewhat, clasping Ray's hand a little tighter of his own accord. His face turns slightly inward, forehead brushing briefly against Ray's temple.

He inhaled. If Ray were still afraid, Fraser couldn't smell it on him. Sure, he wasn't himself yet, but the gentle swaying had done the trick. The question was whether Ray could maintain that calm. ]

Like the dancing, or--?

[ But it's only a gentle murmur. He's teasing, mostly. He knows what Ray means; just as he knows that Ray knew what he'd meant before. Just as he knows that Ray will read beyond the obvious meaning when he says: ]

That depends. Are you ready to lead, Ray?

[Oh, he picks up on the careful teasing. It's oddly reassuring to hear Fraser be something other than his overly polite self, and it makes Ray smile ever so lightly into the the embrace. Now that they're standing there, hold still in place, their warmth doesn't feel so distracting any more. Even Fraser's careful shifts and brushes against him feel less uncomfortable. It really is amazing what dancing can do for the sake of his sanity, to calm his nerves and allow him to lose himself.

He huffs out an amused exhale against Fraser's skin before finally drawing back just enough to spare a glance to his partner. It's a tough question to decipher, but the meaning is easy enough to know.

Ray ducks his head out of sight again to ponder over his reply, not entirely sure on his response.]

I uh. I can show you. Show you what you gotta do. What to expect, yeah?

How I should act?

[ It takes him a moment to wrap his head around it; he has to reflect on the entire conversation, in fact, but when he meets Ray's eyes, thoughts processed, he thinks he understands. Ray will show him how to play his role, then tomorrow night when they took this to the club, Ray might perhaps be more ready to take the lead.

This was the only way that Ray could say it that wasn't so blatantly obvious. The only way he could hand over the wheel without taking his hands off it. ]

I understand, Ray.

[ And Fraser leans back into the space, and in a low timbre he enunciates his way through the languishing melody of the ook pik waltz, guiding Ray in slow, careful steps. Leading, rhythm and steady calm, spoken words murmured into the break in the melody: ]

I'm going to kiss you again, Ray. [ More soft humming. ] Don't be afraid. [ And more; ] This time, I would very much like it-- [ Too many words, but their feet are light, so soundless across the floorboards that they may as well be dancing on air. He finished the refrain, brought them back down to earth and bumped his nose against Ray's. ] --if you were to kiss me back.

[ Like so. His kiss is just as tender as before, but this time Fraser lingers, waiting for the reciprocation he'd asked for. ]

[If nothing else, Ray can rely on Fraser to almost always understand where he's coming from. Even without words, they tend to somehow get one another's plans. Ray wasn't exactly clear on his meaning, but Fraser still understood, still got the passing over of the lead without Ray ever actually having to admit it with proper words.

He could dominate, sure. Ray's displayed that in the past without question, in fact, his whole bravado tended to rest on being the over confident 'alpha' male, squaring off with fist fights and countering every little issue he could with loud arguments. But with the intimacy as it was, with Fraser being... Fraser, and the vague awkwardness that still lingers in Ray's conscience, it's difficult for him to really let go when he's uncertain. And around Fraser it's so easy to just do what he says.

The distraction of the humming keeps his mind in check, keeps him from over thinking it all too much because yes, Ray Kowalski does over think just occasionally.]

Yeah. Okay.

[This time he's ready for it, with ample warning and the relaxing thrum of a waltz still stuck in his head and leading his feet. He's used to this sort of embrace, of kissing while dancing, losing himself to the rhythm and feel, and as Fraser's lips brush against his he's ready to react. His head tilts for a better angle, lets the linger happen for just a moment longer before pressing into the kiss, mouth parting just slightly. There's still that distant reminder that this is Fraser in a back office of the consulate, and it niggles just enough to keep Ray in line.]

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