"Because it has to stop. It has to. If you just break..." Sam's voice almost rattled. "I don't want to torture you. I don't want to rape you. Everything I do is just one more step down the path of my own undoing. But this? There were times, this last year, when I realized that I'd forgotten my own name. I was just the puppy."
He licked his lips, shoulders tensing. "I know what happens at the end of this path, Eliot. I forget who I am, what I used to stand for, what I used to fight for, forget my family and my brother, and I become just like all of them. I become a demon."
And there was the bombshell that Eliot probably didn't expect, having believed all this time that that was just what Sam was. Maybe he thought it was hyperbole now, too, but Sam said it with such stress, and aching pain.
Everything Sam said sounded like the sinner trying to justify his actions,
and fit so poorly with Eliot's image of demons that it half convinced Eliot
it was an elaborate lie until Sam said the one most unexpected thing. He
wasn't a demon?
Eliot lifted his head a bit to get a better look at Sam. He didn't know
what the difference was, but there was a difference. This was a man spread
out there, still struggling to maintain his identity against the odds that
Hell had stacked up against him. He was a victim and never stopped being
one. Breaking Eliot was another form of torture for him.
In the light of all that, Eliot's gaze softened a little. He didn't intend
to give in, but now he understood, even partially, what went on with Sam.
"I thought you said there's no point in fightin' it, or was that meant only
for me?"
Sam shifted his knees forward, very slightly, so that he was stretched out longer, his arms as long as they could comfortably be, even if most of the stress was on the tops of his thighs. An hour was a long time to wait, but he'd survive.
Even with Eliot watching him, staring across at his naked ass from the other side of the room. Sam was past the point of ever being humiliated by that, but it lessened his ability to perform on Eliot the same way as he had before.
"You're dead," he told him, after a moment. "I'm not. I was brought here alive--I'm still living. This is your Hell, but it's my punishment. This is my punishment for saying 'Yes', for not stopping Lucifer when I had a chance."
That was more information, more tidbits of knowledge that made little sense
to Eliot at the moment, but he sensed were important in the long run. It
didn't sound right for a man to be in hell without dying first, which
probably meant Sam was a very special case. Special enough to warrant the
attention of the king of Hell himself, and that this so-called punishment
was something that was personal for Lucifer. An enemy brought low most
likely, which meant Sam must have been formidable once upon a time.
"You're still livin'... How'ssat work?" The more information he got, the
easier the pieces would fit together for him. Eliot was starting to glimpse
the picture that was painted for him, and he wondered, what did that mean
that he was placed under Sam's control. "Can you still die?"
"Of course, but I don't stay dead. Lucifer brings me back."
Once upon a time. Once upon a time, Sam had thought that death was a solution. He'd only been brave enough to try it twice, and Lucifer had made it frighteningly uncomfortable both times. It hadn't been worth it.
"This really is... It's what I have to do, Eliot, that's all. We all have things that we have to do. Hell wants you on their side, they want you to work for them, they want you to torture for them. But this is all just a test for me; one I can't fail, because I have forever to get it done right.
"I have forever, but I won't take that long. I won't. Because every day you're not broken is a day where I am."
Eliot narrowed his eyes at the blatant admission of the trade off. It was
honest, that much he gave Sam, but it wasn't something he intended to give
over if he could help it.
"Guess we'll see which of us lasts longer." Eliot knew it would be Sam.
When forever stretched on for eternity, there was no way Sam would not
eventually break him, it was simply a matter of time.
Seeing there was nothing to say anymore, Eliot shifted and carefully turned
back around so his back was to Sam. He assumed Sam was chained in that
position, used hard and put away wet by the Devil, and as sympathetic as
Eliot was, there was nothing he could do to help. And, really, he was
having trouble staying awake after everything that happened today. So
closing his eyes, Eliot left Sam to deal and he went to sleep.
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He licked his lips, shoulders tensing. "I know what happens at the end of this path, Eliot. I forget who I am, what I used to stand for, what I used to fight for, forget my family and my brother, and I become just like all of them. I become a demon."
And there was the bombshell that Eliot probably didn't expect, having believed all this time that that was just what Sam was. Maybe he thought it was hyperbole now, too, but Sam said it with such stress, and aching pain.
no subject
Everything Sam said sounded like the sinner trying to justify his actions, and fit so poorly with Eliot's image of demons that it half convinced Eliot it was an elaborate lie until Sam said the one most unexpected thing. He wasn't a demon?
Eliot lifted his head a bit to get a better look at Sam. He didn't know what the difference was, but there was a difference. This was a man spread out there, still struggling to maintain his identity against the odds that Hell had stacked up against him. He was a victim and never stopped being one. Breaking Eliot was another form of torture for him.
In the light of all that, Eliot's gaze softened a little. He didn't intend to give in, but now he understood, even partially, what went on with Sam. "I thought you said there's no point in fightin' it, or was that meant only for me?"
no subject
Even with Eliot watching him, staring across at his naked ass from the other side of the room. Sam was past the point of ever being humiliated by that, but it lessened his ability to perform on Eliot the same way as he had before.
"You're dead," he told him, after a moment. "I'm not. I was brought here alive--I'm still living. This is your Hell, but it's my punishment. This is my punishment for saying 'Yes', for not stopping Lucifer when I had a chance."
no subject
That was more information, more tidbits of knowledge that made little sense to Eliot at the moment, but he sensed were important in the long run. It didn't sound right for a man to be in hell without dying first, which probably meant Sam was a very special case. Special enough to warrant the attention of the king of Hell himself, and that this so-called punishment was something that was personal for Lucifer. An enemy brought low most likely, which meant Sam must have been formidable once upon a time.
"You're still livin'... How'ssat work?" The more information he got, the easier the pieces would fit together for him. Eliot was starting to glimpse the picture that was painted for him, and he wondered, what did that mean that he was placed under Sam's control. "Can you still die?"
no subject
Once upon a time. Once upon a time, Sam had thought that death was a solution. He'd only been brave enough to try it twice, and Lucifer had made it frighteningly uncomfortable both times. It hadn't been worth it.
"This really is... It's what I have to do, Eliot, that's all. We all have things that we have to do. Hell wants you on their side, they want you to work for them, they want you to torture for them. But this is all just a test for me; one I can't fail, because I have forever to get it done right.
"I have forever, but I won't take that long. I won't. Because every day you're not broken is a day where I am."
no subject
Eliot narrowed his eyes at the blatant admission of the trade off. It was honest, that much he gave Sam, but it wasn't something he intended to give over if he could help it.
"Guess we'll see which of us lasts longer." Eliot knew it would be Sam. When forever stretched on for eternity, there was no way Sam would not eventually break him, it was simply a matter of time.
Seeing there was nothing to say anymore, Eliot shifted and carefully turned back around so his back was to Sam. He assumed Sam was chained in that position, used hard and put away wet by the Devil, and as sympathetic as Eliot was, there was nothing he could do to help. And, really, he was having trouble staying awake after everything that happened today. So closing his eyes, Eliot left Sam to deal and he went to sleep.