"No Cas. It's not worth it. We can beat her without his help. Evict him. Please. I can't..." Dean couldn't say it. He couldn't give Lucifer the ammo to use against him. He couldn't say that he would die if Cas was gone forever.
He let Cas bring him closer, leaned into his warm touch and felt his eyes go a bit misty. As far as moments go it was pivotal in Deans life for sure. There was no going back now.
When Lucifer took control again Dean glared at him and tried to pull away. "You are probably the biggest douchebag I have ever met. Possibly worse than Zachariah."
Dean didn't have to say it. Castiel knew what Dean thought. This idea that he couldn't survive without him... He was wrong. Dean could survive. Dean didn't need him around to carry on, and to carry on with his brother, and if Castiel saved Sam for Dean then that was enough. He'd come into their lives, and he could leave them too, and one day Dean would be grateful that he had. There would be no more of this.
Maybe when this was over, he'd put his angel blade through himself, in order to keep Lucifer from hurting Dean any more.
"I haven't actually threatened to fuck your dead mother, Dean, so I'm thinking that in terms of how reasonable I am, that still leaves me right up there."
He pushed off the bed again, bringing his hand around to Dean's shoulder, gripping him tight. "Get up on the bed."
Dean was pretty damn sure that his life is much better because Cas is in it. After all, he gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. Dean wouldn't even be here to kneel at Lucifer/Castiel's feet if it wasn't for him. So he was pretty certain, in spite of the mistakes BOTH of them had made...they were better off for having known each other.
"What the actual fuck?" Dean deadpans at the mention of fucking his dead mother. Why would he even bring that up? Besides, it was one of his demons that killed his mother, so really all of his problems could be traced back to Lucifer for creating Lilith, tempting Eve the mother of all evil, giving Cain the Mark, ALL OF IT!
He struggled against the grip on his shoulder as he was practically manhandled onto the bed. He landed on his stomach and tried to scramble up towards the headboard. He was not sure how this was going to go but he was pretty sure it was going to hurt because the spit used to tease him earlier had certain disappeared and the spit around Castiel's cock was also sure to be dry.
Well, to be fair, Zachariah was the one who was getting frisky with Mary Winchester in Heaven, not Lucifer.
Lucifer rolled his eyes, bending forward as Dean scrambled away, digging his fingernails into Dean's ankle. He gave him another pull, so that any progress he'd made toward the headboard failed. Lucifer came up over him, sitting across his back. He bent in, pressing his lips to Dean's ear.
"You don't think Castiel spent all that time in here just watching House of Cards, do you?"
He raised his hand up, and a drawer beside the bed flew open, a tube of lubricant jumping into his hand. He gave it a little shake at Dean. "They say the devil makes work for idle hands, but your angel seemed to make more than enough work for himself, mm? I wonder what his dirty fantasies involved. Oh wait, I don't have to."
Dean hissed and had to fight the desire to kick Lucifer because that would break his foot and anger him further. No, he let himself be pulled and instead fisted his hands in the blankets to steady himself what he knew was going to happen eventually.
At his comment Dean wisely chose to keep his mouth shut. He knew Cas wasn't just watching House of Cards. He was prone to do the same thing in his own room with the angels name on his lips as he spilled. What he wasn't expecting but was grateful for was the lube. He was glad it was at least being used in some capacity.
He didn't have to - he really, really didn't have to - but Lucifer swiped lube over his erection before his slippery hands found Dean's hips, pulling him a few inches up off the bed so that he could get a better angle. Without even using his hands, he nudged the head of his erection into place, before following through, driving deep.
Oh, it was deeply, deeply satisfying. Dean Winchester had literally fucked him over, last time they'd met, but this time--this time the ball was - the balls were - in his court. He went that deep, aiming to split Dean open, perhaps, but much more than that he aimed to humiliate him, and if he could make Dean come? He'd never live it down, whether Lucifer was using his angel's body to do it to him or not.
Dean wasn't prepared for Lucifer's grip on his hips or the abrupt shift of angle, and he certainly wasn't ready for his entrance.
"Son of a bitch!!" Dean cried out sharply, eyes watering and his hands clenching tightly in the blankets because fuck that hurt. He needed a moment, he really did, but he wasn't granted one. His hips started aching almost instantly with the harsh pace he set.
It was probably the seventh or eighth thrust that Lucifer brushed Dean's prostate sending a jolt of pleasure to counter the pain filling his body. "Cas..." Dean whined softly, sniffling as the pleasure began to overpower the pain and he knew with certainty he would climax at least once before Lucifer was finished with him.
"That's it. Call his name. Castiel's still in denial over how much you wanted this, let him hear you bellow out your lungs for him."
Lucifer snorted amusement, bending into his plowing thrusts. Castiel's body really was perfect for this kind of work, short, strong and compact, but it was the emotional connection that was really doing the trick. Lucifer could have stimulated Dean's prostate with electricity or vibrations, but nothing cut into his soul the way this was cutting, right now, driving indelible scars into it such as Dean would never be able to remove, especially if Castiel never came back to him.
But perhaps even if he did.
He squeezed roughly at Dean's cock, all of a sudden, pulling up toward his belly.
"Call my name," he growled, in Castiel's voice, inches away from Dean's right shoulder. "Beg me to make you come."
Dean gasped sharply, body shuddering with the force of both the pleasured pain and Lucifer's thrusts. This is what he had wanted for so long. To feel Cas inside of him, with him, loving him. He'd wanted it for years and in spite of his trying to make believe this is Cas doing it he knows in his heart that it isn't.
He called out with his mind knowing Cas could hear him if he prayed directly, he wasn't sure if Lucifer could overhear it but he had to try. He had to make his angel understand. 'Cas, wish it was you...wish you had control. Love you..need you, wanted you for so long.' he prayed directly at him.
With his voice he just called out with moans and groans, no name falling. He wouldn't give lucifer the satisfaction of it. Not if he could help it. His heart broke a bit with the use of Castiel's voice but Lucifer's harsh words. He didn't want to beg...Cas wouldn't make him beg like this during their first time.
Castiel couldn't do much, but as Lucifer spilled over inside him, hips jacking as he rushed into his orgasm, Castiel managed to get through the gap in Lucifer's control. In return for Dean's prayer, he offered a sudden rush of platitude and comfort, peaceful reassurance, as though to say: 'I know, I hear you, I love you too.'
But that was all saying one thing while doing another. Castiel could have thrust Lucifer out, but he didn't--besides, where would Lucifer go if he did? Certainly up to Heaven, or into Sam's dreams and nightmares. He was as much a prison to Lucifer as Lucifer was a prison to him. So as much as he reassured Dean, he ruined him too, spilled hot come inside him, kept thrusting in an effort to pull him, too, over the edge.
Dean felt the wave of love and comfort and knew without a doubt it was from Castiel and not Lucifer. One he didn't even think Lucifer was capable of those feelings let alone trying to convince him of them. No, feeling that made it all the more easier to accept what was happening on some levels and harder on others.
As Cas predicted...Dean felt the comfort but also the bittersweet betrayal of Cas refusing to evict Lucifer from his vessel. Dean did not think any of what was happening was worth his angels life. He knew they could figure it out without the fallen angels help. Somehow, they would work it out. But instead he was being forced to the edge of oblivion by a creature who hated him to his core. He couldn't stop his orgasm from washing over him at the feeling of Lucifer/Cas spilling inside of him. He gasped out, body shaking and clenching tightly as his release swept him up in a flood of pleasure.
Lucifer didn't hang around to enjoy the afterglow where he was. He pulled out sharply, still spilling over the last few pulses of come as he went, leaving it wet across Dean's thigh. He was enjoying watching Dean fall apart far more than his own involvement in it, and the power he had over Castiel himself. It was a gesture, a direct response to Castiel saving Sam's life before, and putting a spanner in the works. He wouldn't have his own vessel messing with his plans.
He pulled back the rest of the way, giving Dean a rough push on the hip so that he fell forward into his own mess.
He came to crouch beside the bed, where he could see his face, already dressed once more, still damp from his exertions.
"Now if I were you, I'd stay out of my way, and keep Sam away too. That is, if you don't want a repeat performance of this."
Dean fell forward uncaring of the mess he landed in. He didn't mind much at the moment, his focus instead on the one beside him. He glanced over at Lucifer his eyes full of hatred and fire in spite of everything that had occurred.
"You're the one who came here, asshole. It wasn't like I was out looking for you." Maybe not directly at least. He'd been looking for a way to save Cas and stop the Darkness, but not overtly looking for the angel himself.
How dare he come here to his home, blackmail him into sex, then act as though he was the one at fault.
"If you think this will make me stop you're insane as well as stupid." Dean mutters to him. He wasn't prepared for what the archangel did just then. The gentle kiss was almost the worst thing to happen to him that night. He knew it was used to throw him off and yet still he couldn't separate the hope and wish that it was Cas giving it too him and not Lucifer.
When the devil pulled away Dean just turned his head away so he could hide the shame on his face. "Get out." His voice was strong in spite of the way he actually felt. How could he have let this happen. If they were in his room he might have been able to do something but alas they were in Castiel's room.
Sam had forgotten his phone, and so he came back rather than heading on for his first stop, to pick it up before he set off again. He came in just as Lucifer was leaving, flinching at the way he grinned viciously at him before galloping up the stairs and into the night.
Sam barely had time to react. He'd come in expecting just Dean, and he hadn't even had his angel blade with him, God knew what would have happened if Lucifer had meant him harm, but Sam is suddenly struck with panic. He sets off through the bunker at top speed, checking the kitchen, then Dean's room, then stumbling past Castiel's before changing his mind and doubling back.
He stumbles in, and then almost immediately to a stop, not sure how to cope with what he's seeing.
Dean had managed to shift onto his side, ignoring the twinge in his hips and the pain radiating from a very sensitive area. He didn't register Sam calling his name or the door opening further signaling his brother's arrival. He did hear him when he spoke again though.
"Sammy? No...don't..." Dean tried to curl in tighter to hide himself from his brothers gaze. It was bad enough he'd allowed this to happen but for Sam to find out cut him deep. He never wanted Sam to find out about this night. "I'm fine...you can go."
Sam froze in the doorway. He should have looked away right away but... Jesus, the state of him. Given the way Cas had looked at him, and Dean lying curled up on the bed, butt naked, there was no doubt in Hell what had transpired. He was revolted, and Dean looked freaking horrified, but it was also clear his brother's shame and pain stopped him moving very far.
He pressed forward, ignoring his brother's request for him to go and coming right to Dean's side. He reached up and pulled the spare blanket down, shaking it out over Dean at once to hide his shame.
"It's fine. I'm fine." Dean kept saying even though he refused to meet Sam's gaze. He didn't even realize that he was shaking until the warmth of the blanket penetrated his awareness. He was disgusted with himself because he'd allowed Lucifer to take what he wanted. He had allowed the devil to use both his and Castiel's love for one another to destroy them both. One thing Dean knew for sure is that when Amara finds out, and he has no dounlit that she will, she just might obliterate the archangels vessel thus destroying Cas.
The thought made him want to rage and weep at the same time. "I'm fine Sam. You can go now." Dean said once more as the shock set in. He sat up slowly. He needed a shower. He needed to be clean. He tried to stand and wobbled a bit before finding his feet. Seemingly uncaring that he was nude, that Sam was right there and that he was covered in come and bruises, Dean limped passed Sam towards the showers.
Yeah, no. Dean was not even remotely fine, and...and Sam didn't have anyone else to go to. He didn't have anyone to reach out to any more to ask for help. Bobby was gone, Cas was gone, and Dean was the one who was hurting. There was nobody else. He felt a kind of pitiful desperation, watching his brother stand back up like some kind of zombie, pale with shock and filthy from whatever Lucifer had done to him. God, he felt sick, who even knew how Dean must feel about it. If he could even feel at all right now, which would surprise him.
No. Definitely no actual feeling was happening here.
Sam turned to pursue him, grabbing the blanket again as he went and rushing after Dean, pushing it back over his shoulders.
"You're not fine," he growled. "You're going into shock." Even just saying the words out loud frightened him. What would he do without Dean? What would he do if he lost it entirely? "We've gotta get you warm."
Yikes, sorry about the word failing...dounlit was supposed to be doubt
Dean was most assuredly going into shock, thank goodness Sam is there and able to help him. Even if he's too stubborn to realize he needs it. Dean keeps walking even as Sam follows him making sure the blanket stays on him. It's not until he tries to walk into the bathroom that he tries to shake Sam off.
"Sam I'm fine....get off." Dean said trying to pull away. He needs to be clean, the hot water will warm him up, surely Sam can let him get a shower alone. He wants to save what little dignity he had left. In some part of his mind he realizes he's probably worse off than he thinks he is but it's not registering. Sam probably shouldn't leave him alone even if that's what Dean really wants right now.
Dean is like that. Stubborn, determined; it wasn't like he'd ever known what was good for him, always fixed on being the strong one when he'd faced so much evil before Sam even knew what the word 'evil' was. Or any words, actually. Dean had been traumatized right from the start, but Sam had never seen it, never acknowledged it. And here Dean was, hurting, unable to take care of himself because he didn't know how, but stubborning his way through it like he could fight it just by wishing that he was bigger. The same as he had with the Mark, right up until that fight with Death.
Honestly, he still wasn't over that, but he was putting it behind him now, pressing in after Dean even though he tried to put the shower door between them. He was bigger, and he could force the issue if he wanted, reaching past Dean to shove the hot water on and instantly drenching them both.
"There, see? I'm already wet. Now you can't get rid of me." He said it firmly, but then he reached for Dean's arms to steady him. "Hey. Hey, it's okay. He's not getting back in here. I don't care what we have to do. You're safe now, Dean."
Dean almost stumbled backwards when Sam muscled his way into the shower stall, he hadn't expected his little brother to put up such a big fight. Dean figured it would be like all the other times where he swallowed down his own pain, where he played off the shock and ran on auto pilot for a bit, where he could just scrub himself raw and try not to think about the shit storm that was his life ever since that fateful night in Kansas all those years ago. Essentially made a parent at four years old. Dean had never had a childhood...but he'd never blamed Sam. He'd done everything he possibly could think of to make sure his little brother never knew just how broken they were. Just how broken he himself was.
He'd hoped that Sam would listen, see the roses and ignore the dying vines behind them. That he would take Dean for his word, that he was fine, and go about his day. Part of him wanted his brother to forget what he'd seen. To forget how weak he was. Another part of him was grateful Sam saw..that he didn't have to try and hide just how much it hurt.
The hot water hit the blanket and then his skin and in seconds both he and Sam were drenched. Too hot...the water was too hot and he fumbled behind his back with the knob to add some cold to it. He didn't argue, didn't try to force Sam out. He didn't speak again until Sam said they were safe. His eyes prickled and tears fell without his consent. Of course the water from the shower head hid the fact he was crying.
"No, Sam. We're not safe. He walked in here...right past whatever wards you set up. He said you gave him the master key. There isn't anywhere we can go that he can't find us." The unspoken 'can't find me' hung in the air. Castiel always knew how and where to find Dean. They were bound after all. With Lucifer having access to that...Dean was pretty damn certain there was literally nothing he could do to hide from the fallen Archangel.
Jesus, Dean was crying. Sam stared at him, not really sure where to start, how to approach it, so he pretended that he didn't notice, that the water crashing down on them both was hiding some of it. But as much as he lied to himself about that, Dean's voice goddamn cracked as he spoke. Lucifer had broken in here, past all their spells, it was true--and it was true that it was Sam's fault too. He'd given him the damn ticket in through the front door, and now he could do anything he wanted to Dean, no matter where they hid.
He grimaced.
"We still have the Enochian seals on our ribs. We can abandon the bunker, Dean. Maybe it won't be as easy for us to fight Amara from here, but so long as he can't get to you..." He gave his head a rough shake, and reached his hand up to Dean's shoulder, squeezing it firmly.
"Cas won't be able to forgive himself unless we try, right? We have to."
"Cas can always find me." Dean murmurs so softly the sound of the shower almost drowns it out. He knows they aren't safe, he can feel it in his bones. As much as Lucifer wants the Darkness gone, he would also love to put Sam and Dean down. No more Winchesters, no more pesky problems. No more stubborn determination to prevent what he had planned.
When Sam's hand landed on his shoulder Dean flinched. He jerked back before stilling and trying to relax. Sam wouldn't hurt him. Sam was alright. Sam can help. He took a deep breath and then turned slightly to reach for a wash cloth. He was done talking...now was the time to wash the evidence of what transpired away from his skin. If only it were as easy to wash it from his soul and memory.
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He let Cas bring him closer, leaned into his warm touch and felt his eyes go a bit misty. As far as moments go it was pivotal in Deans life for sure. There was no going back now.
When Lucifer took control again Dean glared at him and tried to pull away. "You are probably the biggest douchebag I have ever met. Possibly worse than Zachariah."
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Maybe when this was over, he'd put his angel blade through himself, in order to keep Lucifer from hurting Dean any more.
"I haven't actually threatened to fuck your dead mother, Dean, so I'm thinking that in terms of how reasonable I am, that still leaves me right up there."
He pushed off the bed again, bringing his hand around to Dean's shoulder, gripping him tight. "Get up on the bed."
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"What the actual fuck?" Dean deadpans at the mention of fucking his dead mother. Why would he even bring that up? Besides, it was one of his demons that killed his mother, so really all of his problems could be traced back to Lucifer for creating Lilith, tempting Eve the mother of all evil, giving Cain the Mark, ALL OF IT!
He struggled against the grip on his shoulder as he was practically manhandled onto the bed. He landed on his stomach and tried to scramble up towards the headboard. He was not sure how this was going to go but he was pretty sure it was going to hurt because the spit used to tease him earlier had certain disappeared and the spit around Castiel's cock was also sure to be dry.
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Lucifer rolled his eyes, bending forward as Dean scrambled away, digging his fingernails into Dean's ankle. He gave him another pull, so that any progress he'd made toward the headboard failed. Lucifer came up over him, sitting across his back. He bent in, pressing his lips to Dean's ear.
"You don't think Castiel spent all that time in here just watching House of Cards, do you?"
He raised his hand up, and a drawer beside the bed flew open, a tube of lubricant jumping into his hand. He gave it a little shake at Dean. "They say the devil makes work for idle hands, but your angel seemed to make more than enough work for himself, mm? I wonder what his dirty fantasies involved. Oh wait, I don't have to."
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At his comment Dean wisely chose to keep his mouth shut. He knew Cas wasn't just watching House of Cards. He was prone to do the same thing in his own room with the angels name on his lips as he spilled. What he wasn't expecting but was grateful for was the lube. He was glad it was at least being used in some capacity.
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Oh, it was deeply, deeply satisfying. Dean Winchester had literally fucked him over, last time they'd met, but this time--this time the ball was - the balls were - in his court. He went that deep, aiming to split Dean open, perhaps, but much more than that he aimed to humiliate him, and if he could make Dean come? He'd never live it down, whether Lucifer was using his angel's body to do it to him or not.
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"Son of a bitch!!" Dean cried out sharply, eyes watering and his hands clenching tightly in the blankets because fuck that hurt. He needed a moment, he really did, but he wasn't granted one. His hips started aching almost instantly with the harsh pace he set.
It was probably the seventh or eighth thrust that Lucifer brushed Dean's prostate sending a jolt of pleasure to counter the pain filling his body. "Cas..." Dean whined softly, sniffling as the pleasure began to overpower the pain and he knew with certainty he would climax at least once before Lucifer was finished with him.
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Lucifer snorted amusement, bending into his plowing thrusts. Castiel's body really was perfect for this kind of work, short, strong and compact, but it was the emotional connection that was really doing the trick. Lucifer could have stimulated Dean's prostate with electricity or vibrations, but nothing cut into his soul the way this was cutting, right now, driving indelible scars into it such as Dean would never be able to remove, especially if Castiel never came back to him.
But perhaps even if he did.
He squeezed roughly at Dean's cock, all of a sudden, pulling up toward his belly.
"Call my name," he growled, in Castiel's voice, inches away from Dean's right shoulder. "Beg me to make you come."
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He called out with his mind knowing Cas could hear him if he prayed directly, he wasn't sure if Lucifer could overhear it but he had to try. He had to make his angel understand. 'Cas, wish it was you...wish you had control. Love you..need you, wanted you for so long.' he prayed directly at him.
With his voice he just called out with moans and groans, no name falling. He wouldn't give lucifer the satisfaction of it. Not if he could help it. His heart broke a bit with the use of Castiel's voice but Lucifer's harsh words. He didn't want to beg...Cas wouldn't make him beg like this during their first time.
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But that was all saying one thing while doing another. Castiel could have thrust Lucifer out, but he didn't--besides, where would Lucifer go if he did? Certainly up to Heaven, or into Sam's dreams and nightmares. He was as much a prison to Lucifer as Lucifer was a prison to him. So as much as he reassured Dean, he ruined him too, spilled hot come inside him, kept thrusting in an effort to pull him, too, over the edge.
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As Cas predicted...Dean felt the comfort but also the bittersweet betrayal of Cas refusing to evict Lucifer from his vessel. Dean did not think any of what was happening was worth his angels life. He knew they could figure it out without the fallen angels help. Somehow, they would work it out. But instead he was being forced to the edge of oblivion by a creature who hated him to his core. He couldn't stop his orgasm from washing over him at the feeling of Lucifer/Cas spilling inside of him. He gasped out, body shaking and clenching tightly as his release swept him up in a flood of pleasure.
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He pulled back the rest of the way, giving Dean a rough push on the hip so that he fell forward into his own mess.
He came to crouch beside the bed, where he could see his face, already dressed once more, still damp from his exertions.
"Now if I were you, I'd stay out of my way, and keep Sam away too. That is, if you don't want a repeat performance of this."
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"You're the one who came here, asshole. It wasn't like I was out looking for you." Maybe not directly at least. He'd been looking for a way to save Cas and stop the Darkness, but not overtly looking for the angel himself.
How dare he come here to his home, blackmail him into sex, then act as though he was the one at fault.
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He reached forward, patting Dean's cheek, and bent in, turning his head very slightly, looking at him with Castiel's blue eyes.
"Your friend betrayed you, but he did it to save the world, Dean. I think you should bear his wishes in mind."
He didn't leave Dean behind. Instead he bent right in, pressing his mouth against Dean's in, surprisingly, the gentlest possible, lingering kiss.
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When the devil pulled away Dean just turned his head away so he could hide the shame on his face. "Get out." His voice was strong in spite of the way he actually felt. How could he have let this happen. If they were in his room he might have been able to do something but alas they were in Castiel's room.
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Sam barely had time to react. He'd come in expecting just Dean, and he hadn't even had his angel blade with him, God knew what would have happened if Lucifer had meant him harm, but Sam is suddenly struck with panic. He sets off through the bunker at top speed, checking the kitchen, then Dean's room, then stumbling past Castiel's before changing his mind and doubling back.
He stumbles in, and then almost immediately to a stop, not sure how to cope with what he's seeing.
"Dean?"
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"Sammy? No...don't..." Dean tried to curl in tighter to hide himself from his brothers gaze. It was bad enough he'd allowed this to happen but for Sam to find out cut him deep. He never wanted Sam to find out about this night. "I'm fine...you can go."
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He pressed forward, ignoring his brother's request for him to go and coming right to Dean's side. He reached up and pulled the spare blanket down, shaking it out over Dean at once to hide his shame.
"Hey. Hey, it's alright. He's gone. God, Dean. Oh God."
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The thought made him want to rage and weep at the same time. "I'm fine Sam. You can go now." Dean said once more as the shock set in. He sat up slowly. He needed a shower. He needed to be clean. He tried to stand and wobbled a bit before finding his feet. Seemingly uncaring that he was nude, that Sam was right there and that he was covered in come and bruises, Dean limped passed Sam towards the showers.
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No. Definitely no actual feeling was happening here.
Sam turned to pursue him, grabbing the blanket again as he went and rushing after Dean, pushing it back over his shoulders.
"You're not fine," he growled. "You're going into shock." Even just saying the words out loud frightened him. What would he do without Dean? What would he do if he lost it entirely? "We've gotta get you warm."
Yikes, sorry about the word failing...dounlit was supposed to be doubt
"Sam I'm fine....get off." Dean said trying to pull away. He needs to be clean, the hot water will warm him up, surely Sam can let him get a shower alone. He wants to save what little dignity he had left. In some part of his mind he realizes he's probably worse off than he thinks he is but it's not registering. Sam probably shouldn't leave him alone even if that's what Dean really wants right now.
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Honestly, he still wasn't over that, but he was putting it behind him now, pressing in after Dean even though he tried to put the shower door between them. He was bigger, and he could force the issue if he wanted, reaching past Dean to shove the hot water on and instantly drenching them both.
"There, see? I'm already wet. Now you can't get rid of me." He said it firmly, but then he reached for Dean's arms to steady him. "Hey. Hey, it's okay. He's not getting back in here. I don't care what we have to do. You're safe now, Dean."
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He'd hoped that Sam would listen, see the roses and ignore the dying vines behind them. That he would take Dean for his word, that he was fine, and go about his day. Part of him wanted his brother to forget what he'd seen. To forget how weak he was. Another part of him was grateful Sam saw..that he didn't have to try and hide just how much it hurt.
The hot water hit the blanket and then his skin and in seconds both he and Sam were drenched. Too hot...the water was too hot and he fumbled behind his back with the knob to add some cold to it. He didn't argue, didn't try to force Sam out. He didn't speak again until Sam said they were safe. His eyes prickled and tears fell without his consent. Of course the water from the shower head hid the fact he was crying.
"No, Sam. We're not safe. He walked in here...right past whatever wards you set up. He said you gave him the master key. There isn't anywhere we can go that he can't find us." The unspoken 'can't find me' hung in the air. Castiel always knew how and where to find Dean. They were bound after all. With Lucifer having access to that...Dean was pretty damn certain there was literally nothing he could do to hide from the fallen Archangel.
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He grimaced.
"We still have the Enochian seals on our ribs. We can abandon the bunker, Dean. Maybe it won't be as easy for us to fight Amara from here, but so long as he can't get to you..." He gave his head a rough shake, and reached his hand up to Dean's shoulder, squeezing it firmly.
"Cas won't be able to forgive himself unless we try, right? We have to."
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When Sam's hand landed on his shoulder Dean flinched. He jerked back before stilling and trying to relax. Sam wouldn't hurt him. Sam was alright. Sam can help. He took a deep breath and then turned slightly to reach for a wash cloth. He was done talking...now was the time to wash the evidence of what transpired away from his skin. If only it were as easy to wash it from his soul and memory.
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